MHOWving ON #3: Dreams & Realizations

Dreams is a means by which the brain processes emotions, stimuli, memories and information that's been absorbed throughout the waking day.


These past week, I've been dreaming about different scenarios and people. Most of them involves my ex boyfriend (the baby daddy). I also remember one time I dreamt that I'm pregnant again.

When I dreamed about my ex. I forgot what actually happened but I remember that he was in my dream and I am forcing myself to wake up. I immediately searched the meaning why he was appearing in my dreams. I always search for the meaning everytime I had dreams.

It doesn't necessarily mean that when you dreamed about your past is because you still love them. There might be feelings or problems towards the person that you still haven't resolved yet. That's why he/she is appearing in your dreams.

Maybe it was right.

I still have feelings for my ex to be honest, I won't be a hipocrite and we still have unfinished business-- our son. We still haven't talked about how we will be parents to Edmund. He didn't even disclosed any information bmif he'll support Edmund in any way (physically and financially) whenever I ask him he always tell me that I didn't need financial support. He's actually true, I have a job and my parents are here to support whenever. But that's not the point. I am expecting him to atleast see his son once a month or atleast check him up from time to time, but it's been 2 months without any means of communication.

But I'm fine. I know I can do this. Alone. It's better to raise my son alone than raising him in an environment where in my son seems to beg for love and affection for my ex's family. The love that he deserves. I don't want him to experience what I've experienced with his father and his family-- it was unbearable. People like them doesn't deserve to be called humans or animals. They were worse than that. They were even worse than demons. I'm not saying because I'm bitter. It's because it's the only way that I can describe my experience with them.

What do you call to a mother who said to his own grandson that my child was never their responsibility and they didn't liked my child.

Yes. My Ex's mother told that to me face to face.

Let me tell you guys that my son was UNPLANNED. Yes! He was never planned. But I liked and loved this baby, more than anything. My family loves and prioritize my baby more than anything.

I never imagined someone would say that, not even my son's own grandmother.

So what do you call to a person with that attitude? Exactly my point.

So that's why I despise them and I can't wait karma to hit them.

Also, I also remembered having a dream that I was pregnant.

I was really laughing when I woke up. I didn't have someone to make a baby with. I'm single af. But still, I searched for the meaning.

Dreaming about being pregnant means that there will be new aspects, directions and a new chapter in your life. It often times says that you somehow needed to be taken care of or you're yearning for nurture.

This is by far my best dream.

Being left out was really hell and I really am still coping up with a broke up that has not proper closure. But when I read the meaning, somehow I felt a comfort that I will be facing new chapters in my life. I am so excited for the future.

I realized then that people shouldn't be sorry for me or for anyone left out with a kid, because we are stronger than anyone. Raising a child is hard but raising it alone is even harder. But it's more fun because you don't have someone to share the decisions for your child. The whole responsibility and the love ofyiur child will be yours.

I am not so left out alone.

I know that I have someone who will surely take care for me when I got older. And that is my child. These past few weeks I feel so sorry for myself and pity myself for what had happened but when I realized that I have someone who will be with me when I grow old, now, I feel so sorry for my ex. With his attitude, who will take care and love him? I hope he'll find someone who will take care of him more than what I did.

I know that I will be stronger. I will be stronger because conquered this tragedy. I know that when the time comes, Edmund will surely understand me and what happened between me and his dad- why we didn't work out.

By that time. I do hope that I already met my emotional freedom. I hope that by that time. I can be able to face his dad with no anger and by that time. I do hope that I can no longer feel any disgust towards his mother and his family.

But now's not the time. Now's not the time to forgive and I know that I will never forget. The anger was too much that I even want to cast a black magic towards them. But no, I still have my God in me and I know that Karma will soon hit them. Hard.

I will be telling you what exactly happened. Soon.


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49 comments

  1. it is in humane of them to say such heartless things.and don't worry dear karma is waiting...people who are selfish like them will never be able to go far in their lives...

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    1. Absolutely. You know what, I wonder how they can sleep at night after they said these things. Karma will soon hit them for sure.

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  2. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I believe that. So, tell the stupid idiots to go f**k themselves and bring up your boy as I know, he will be better off without those stupid people.

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    1. Exactly my point. I wanted to give my son a happy family but the thing is, if I will be raising my kid in that kind of environment, might as well leave them. It's not healthy for me and my son.

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  3. be strong and be confident! no one can bring you down!

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    1. I'm getting by, coping up and I'm happier now.

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  4. Don't overthink and just focus on what you have right now. Karma is always there. Be happy!

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    1. Karma is on its way but how can they sleep knowing that they left a child behind? Am I right? But anyways, thank you! Let's spread positive vibes!

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  5. U r a strong woman. Trust yourself and be happy with your baby.

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    1. Thank you. I've got to be strong you know! I needed to be happy and strong for my son.

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  6. Breaking up is already so painful. I just can't imagine what you are going through.

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    1. Actually, I'm getting better you know. Ofcourse it's ugly. But I'm glad that I'm coping up.

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  7. Writing this already shows how strong you are. and you will continue to be for your son. Although unplanned as you mentioned, he is definitely a blessing <3

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    1. Yes. He's unplanned but he's loved. My posts about what had happened is not making a scene. Its making a statement that there are people as heartless as them. They just turned away an angel.

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  8. you are a strong mother. hang in there!

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  9. You are strong and you face it without fear. I do sometime dream of my ex but I told myself I need to keep going on and build a new life. I did it.

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    1. Luckily I don't dream about my ex these past few nights. I am trying my best to cope up with the broke up for my son...

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    2. Made me sad they said such thing to the mother of their grandchild. :( You seem like a strong woman, and have a positive outlook with life, just continue being this person and I'm sure, better things are on your way :)

      http://www.heymamacoi.com

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  10. Made me sad they said such thing to the mother of their grandchild. :( You seem like a strong woman, and have a positive outlook with life, just continue being this person and I'm sure, better things are on your way :)

    http://www.heymamacoi.com

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    1. Sorry I made it as a reply to the previous comment! I think I clicked on her comment while commenting

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    2. It also saddens me to think how can they say such things to me and to my son. I am getting better now. Atleast, the baggage that i'm feeling when I'm trying to befriend with them is gone. Thanks god!

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  11. Oh my. I hope your son did not hear them say those bad things. You're right, your ex and his family will receive their Karma soon because what goes around comes around. You and your son do not need to beg for love anymore, just look into each other's eyes and you'll see overflowing unconditional love. Also surround yourselves with people who truly love and care for you, I am 100% there are more people who love you, you just need to look around. :*

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    1. My son was only 4 or 5 months back then but the pain that I'm feeling and the anger is still here. Karma's a bitch. I know it will hit them. Hard. Thank you for supporting me through my journey sister. Atleast I know that I'm not alone.

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  12. Sis, you deserve someone a lot better. And I am actually happy for you for having a chance to live a better, fuller life with your son. Keep on praying. You'll be able to move on and live a happier life. :) God bless you and your son! :)

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  13. Don't take pity on yourself Mommy just because of people like those,always remember your family is always there for you, especially your child, don't give up on whatever trials that come into your life, be strong and face the challenges together with your son.GodBless!

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  14. If that is the case. Never let them near the child, ever. They don't deserve to be called relatives. Love your child unconditionally. He is your forever love. Your son will be your strength and source of happiness. :)

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  15. No use holding grudges or ill feelings towards them. You need to move on and start your life with your son on a positive note. I am pretty sure you would be much better without your ex to drag along. May the Lord bless you and your son always.

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  16. Things happen for a reason, as they always say.. Just always remember your son and think of positive thoughts. God bless you and your son ;)

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  17. Prayer is the best weapon for unresolved issues and problems. Also make sure it doesn't affect your son. Godspeed

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  18. My son was also unplanned, so to speak, but I never really had a romantic relationship with the father of my child to begin with. I never expected any support from him - whether financial or emotional - but I never closed the probability that maybe one day, he will want to provide support or build a relationship with his son. But until then, I have already accepted that I will be raising my son alone. Less expectations, less depression for me. :)

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  19. What goes around comes around. For now focus on your baby. I am sure Mr. Right who will accept you and your little boy will come on the right time. Pray for him :) Also, pray before you go to sleep to have peace of mind. There are times when I dream about a person or a scenario I am stressed about.

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  20. Oh that's too much for a mother inlaw, she should not say that grandchild is a blessing. Be strong for your kid he needs you more than anyone else.

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  21. If you sayyou have God in you then you will survive this crisis because He said He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their woubds. When people hurt you, the hurt the one who created you. :) God's justice is the best one there is. His best attribute is a loving father. I pray that God's love will embrace you in your journey and that you will be strengthened each day to stand up for your son and to forgive those people who have done you wrong. May you reach that point where your only prayer for them is for them to be better people. That is one proof that the love of God finally reigns in you and you will be just fine taking care of your kid. :) hugs!

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  22. Be strong for your kid. I know a lot of single moms and I feel proud to see them strive hard to raise the child that's with their care. Hang on mommy, just pray that everything will be okay.

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  23. Be strong. Life always has a way for us to feel so down, but the surprises that lie beneath it will keep everything flowing smoothly.

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  24. I am seeing a strong woman in you. The mere fact that you could write this means you are indeed strong and ready to let others know your story. Be strong always. Motherhood is exciting and surely you will enjoy it.to.the fullest.

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  25. Virtual hugs to you mars! From the stories you share to me I can really feel that you are a strong and a tough woman. Keep your head up and don't let anyone bring you down!

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  26. Hugs, sis! In time, you'll learn to forgive those who hurt you. For now, focus on the bright side and shower your son with all the love and support you can give him. You'll both be okay.

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  27. Just focus on your child. Let them whatever they want. The best revenge is to have a good life.

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  28. Be strong for your son mommy! I hope that your ex and his family will come to their senses and think straight that they are partly responsible for your son.

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  29. Stay strong, I know you can do it by yourself with your family's help. You don't have to beg for their love. Your son is enough.

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  30. It's a waste of time dwelling on such, don't take it too hard and just leave them all behind. Have a good life. In some way, it is actually true that children are not the grandparents' responsibility.

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  31. I'm sorry for the rejection and the hurt you are going through for yourself and for your son. it's okay to feel hurt and to cry from time to time, not because you're not strong, but because you are and you need to release all that so you can move on.

    Anyway, your son is a blessing! And he is blessed to have a mother like you who loves him to the ends of the earth. :)

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  32. A baby is a blessing. Don't mind them for saying bad things about your child because he is lucky to have you as his mom.

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  33. I Love you Ramona..let me be your 'unconventional' aunt or ate that is so reday to love your son. I was hurt too as I read this post...and felt the pain. Actually, up to now I can feel it BUT hey you are one lucky momma since you are blessed with wonderful son and a loving family, Never mind the x and his family- they don't deserve the love and respect from your son. I haven't met you I believe but hey- presentable akong maging sub auntor even lola (chuckles) to your son. I love children and they are the best blessings in this world. (Macy Santos) Just pm me anytime dear...

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    1. Thank you so much Ate Macy. I hope we can meet soon. Buti nga nababasa ko yung mga comments niyo. Masisiraan na ko ng bait dito sa totoo lang

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  34. Dreams are our subconscious trying to tell us something. I guess it is but normal for you to dream about your ex, especially that there are many underlying issues unsettled between the 2 of you. And there's the responsibility for your baby, which you have to share, too.

    It will be too much of a heartbreak and a stress to deal with someone {and his family} who is not man enough to face his responsibilities. But I guess your dreams are reminding you to focus on what matters most and on the people that are actually in your life who prioritize and love you and your child. Holding grudges against your ex will also take its toll on you, so although it might be very difficult to do so, I hope you will one day find it in your heart to forgive him even when he does not deserve it and focus, instead, on your blessings!

    Just hang in there. Know that everything happens for a reasons and that God will always be there to see you through no matter how difficult the situation might be.

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  35. Magsisisi din yan gurl! I've known some na hinabol yung gurl pati parents nya after ireject yung baby. Ngaun ayaw nung gurl ipakita anak nya hehehe. Kayang kaya mu yan. Be strong for your baby boy.

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